The Weekend Writing Warriors share 8 sentences over the weekend. Here are mine from the start of Lily & the Mechanic
London 1898
The sun had long gone down and the fog was lifting off the city like a reluctant and indifferent lover. Her black lace veil and the tight, corseted fixtures of fashion ensured that Lady Miriam Rothbury was well concealed as the door opened to the well-known Bond Street bookshop.
A bell ran discordant and a rather squat, balding shop-keeper hurried forward.
“Oh dear, dear me, I regret to say we are closed, is your carriage still here?” he peered hopefully outside.
“But you’re not closed now are you or I would not be inside.”
She lifted her reticule, the click of the clasp opening flared his interest. Interest which blossomed into full receptiveness as she flashed the neatly folded pound notes tucked within the pink folds.
In less than a few moments of whispered exchange she stepped through the opening of a pivoting book case and down the dimly lit, heavily worn stairs to the illicit basement shop beneath.
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© Elsa Holland
Image © Dascha Friedlová
You have lovely poetic prose 🙂 I’m definitely curious about what comes next. Sounds like some sort of secret society or something.
My favorite line, “The sun had long gone down and the fog was lifting off the city like a reluctant and indifferent lover.” I love setting descriptions 😀 Some people find them a bit boring, but I think they aren’t when done right and contribute to the mood of the piece. Here, it seems dark and foreboding.
About these lines, “She lifted her reticule, the click of the clasp opening flared his interest. Interest which blossomed into full receptiveness as she flashed the neatly folded pound notes tucked within the pink folds.”
I’m not sure why the word interest is repeated? Sometimes repetition is used for effect but it was lost on me here :/ I would combine the two sentences, “She lifted her reticule, the click of the clasp opening flared his interest, which blossomed into full receptiveness as she flashed the neatly folded pound notes tucked within the pink folds.”
Also I don’t know what pound notes are. . . I figure that this is something relevant in the late 1800s? Anyway, great snippet and looking forward to next week ^^
Wow thx for the great feed back!! And yes you are very right about the repeat, I have a coll at editing that as you suggest!! 🙂
Very atmospheric and gave me lovely visual image of her. I could almost smell that old bookshop. I like the idea of the secret bookroom downstairs.
“The sun had long gone down and the fog was lifting off the city like a reluctant and indifferent lover.”
Great opening line!
I bet a lot goes on besides reading downstairs…
Yes you’re the first one to really pick up on that LOL
You’ve painted a nice picture of London, especially in the first sentence, mixed with poetry. Nice snippet!
Thx Frank!!
Absolutely love this opening line: The sun had long gone down and the fog was lifting off the city like a reluctant and indifferent lover. – So beautifully descriptive! And I’m very intrigued by the final line too, about the illicit basement shop. Can’t wait for more! 🙂
Thx Evelyn 🙂
Very intriguing. I love how you tell us nothing about her beyond her appearance- builds the mystery. And the secret shop in the basement- wonderful. This is a great opening. Yes, it could use a little light editing and tightening, but nothing major.
Thx Alexis any editing hints will be well received 🙂
Very Mysterious, Nice snipped. I like the whole sensation you created going down into the forbidden basement. BTW I love the art on your website. I like the atmosphere and feel it creates. The black, white and brown woman’s face I found very expressive.
Juneta at Writer’s Gambit
Thx Juneta:-) The black and white is by Dascha friedlova, i use a lot of her work with permission. I love her imagery very moody.You can find her on facebook and is very approachable if you want to use her images:-)
Ooh, I wonder what is going on downstairs…looking forward to more next week!
Very atmospheric scene I’m picturing in a Victorian setting. Intriguing 8!
Thx Gem
Compelling voice and tone. You make me wonder what she will encounter.
Thank you Cara!
Highly atmospheric and entices the reader to keep reading definitely! Loved all the details and the way she refuses to be stopped. Great 8!
Thx Veronica much appreciated!
Nice snippet! You’ve set up a very gloomy, mysterious atmosphere. Just how I like my Victorian London. 🙂
Thx Christina 🙂
“But you’re not closed now are you or I would not be inside.” – impeccable logic and this sounds like a woman who doesn’t know the meaning of “no” 🙂
Welcome to WWW, looking forward to more.
Well spotted, she’s definitely a strong character 🙂 Many thanks for checking the post out. See you next week!
Fantastic opening line and wonderful imagery! I could see the bookshop clearly. And I would love to know what goes on downstairs in the shop below. I’m intrigued.
Thx Karen 🙂
I have a feeling that the “pink folds” of her reticule are the best kind of suggestive foreshadowing?
Lovely snippet! Can’t wait to see what kind of ‘goods’ might be offered below stairs. 🙂
You’re very astute Sarah 🙂
Dagnabbit! A day late and everyone has already made all the great comments. 🙂 This piece is wonderful, Elsa. Foreshadowing, imagery, character building, all wrapped up in fluid writing. I wonder what kind of shop that IS downstairs. I’m guessing from the title that the lady ‘ain’t no lady”.
Th for the encouragement Teresa, it’s very well received 🙂
oooohhhhh…. really love that opening line !!!!
Thx 🙂 🙂
You hooked me. I’m dying to know what’s in the basement.
Thx 🙂
Welcome to the Weekend Writing Warriors, very intriguing start, you caught my attention.
Thx Linda 🙂