Weekend Writing Warriors #8sunday
#MySexySaturday 27th December & #SexySnippets 28th December 2014
Every weekend, a group of us sign up at My Sexy Saturday and some of us at The Nuthouse Scribblers blog and post a sexy snippet: 7 sentences from a work in progress. The Weekend Writing Warriors share 8 sentences over the weekend.
Here are mine from the start of a historical novella set in Victorian London called THE VEILED HEART.
The mechanic, is fixing Lily’s carriage after their bargain…
The cabbie swore and they both bent down to look for the missing wheel-pin.
As they searched the carriage moved, a few small dips of the cabin.
There was no reason for her to me moving around except one, his request.
She was removing her underwear.
The image of that shot down through the center of his body and curled low and deep in a hot squeeze.
Each small bounce and tilt of the cabin touched him more intimately than the bawdiest of approaches.
He just had to avoid thinking and not listen to the barrage of extremely wise and responsible reasons he should tell her ‘no’; because looking at the compartment make it’s small motions and imagining what she was doing, there was nothing this side of hell that would stop him stepping back in that carriage… no matter what the consequences.
© Elsa Holland
Link to Weekend Writing Warriors and the list of other authors
Wow de Wow wow. The imagery is wonderful and amusing. Thanks and a Happy New Year to you.
Thank you Charmaine, you are always very encouraging!! Loved your conflict scene!
Oh that was fun – what great imagery. Wonder what the cabbie is thinking LOL. Very hot snippet!
Thanks Veronica, I always appreciate your comments and encouragement!
Oooh, I love being in his head here. All kinds of torture for him 😉
Thx Doris 🙂
*gulp* Wow! He needs to get that carriage sorted out and get back inside right now!
Wowza, things are heating up. Good snippet, Elsa.
Happy New Year! I’m glad you discovered wewriwa. I hope 2015 brings much happiness and great success to you!
Thx Teresa 🙂 yes me too, wewriwa is a great way to share and connect together as writers. I am looking forward to more in 2015!!
OK, business first. Creative punctuation aside, I would watch the placement of the normal punctuation, for me it threw off the flow of the snippet, as did the word “rocks” in the second sentence (I thought the carriage had moved actual rocks, not rocked in place). Also, the term “underwear” while historically accurate (as of 1872), sounds too modern for a historical story. It’s one of the pitfalls of writing historicals, finding the balance between what is historically accurate and what the readers think is *not*. I run into the same problem with my own historical, it’s so frustrating!
Now on to the fun! This was a great 8! The build up of the sexual tension is palpable and I can almost feel what he’s feeling as the thoughts race through his mind. It builds the sexual tension between them and they aren’t even in close proximity to each other! THAT is hard to do and you did it very well! Great 8!
Hope this helps and have a Happy New Year!
Great feedback thanks for that Chris!! Much appreciated 🙂
Lol, fun and flirty with a lot of great tension. Well done.
I had to read the snippet a couple of times to follow what was happening. The “rocks” with regards to the carriage through me off and I wasn’t quite sure where he was during the snippet. Other than that great 8:).
Thanks Tina. great feedback I’ll make some adjustments 🙂
Hey there! Glad I discovered this blog. Great enticement and sexual tension. Well done. I also really like the cadence in the first line. Fits nicely with the rocking of the carriage.
Thank you Jean 🙂
He’s going to be very disappointed if she’s just tightening her boot laces! You did a great job of showing how the imagination can be more powerful than reality. Great snippet.
Thanks Alexis 🙂 I appreciate you coming by!!
I really do get drunk on your words. You entrance me <3
How I have missed the joy of this tale the last few weeks. I loved this little snippet. Happy New Year to you, Elsa.
Thank you for your support as always Daisy and Happy New Year to you too XXOX <3
As a newcomer to your story, I had to read the snippet twice to understand what was happening. This could have been resolved with a few more words when you introduced the snippet (such as telling me the POV we’re in and what the bargain is).
That being said, once I sorted it out with the first read, I thought it was a good snippet. Nice build-up of sexual tension and internal conflict. 😉
Many thanks, good feedback Aheïla 🙂
Oh boy, he better get back inside and discover what really is going on. I’m worried his imagination might be getting the best of him. Wonderful snippet Elsa! Happy new year!!!
Happy New Year Elyza, and many thanks for reading and the comment much appreciated 🙂